A/N August 8th: Revamping complete!
Author’s Note: So while I’m world building for this crazy little place I’m creating, I got inspired to do a brief piece into Shi-Hyun’s thoughts. It occurs *right* after Chapter 1, so consider yourself warned. This fic is going to be adult, I find the content of Heartless City itself very adult and think anything less than this would not honor this world properly.
One very important thing to understand, there hasn’t been really a heart to heart conversation between these two people yet, neither one really knows what’s happened to the other in the years between. She’s in her head and he’s in his, and it’s going to take them a while to realize that the two spaces aren’t so very different.
This was simultaneously an easy and difficult piece to do, and I only hope that I captured at least a tiny bit of Jung Shi-Hyun’s essence. Comments and feedback are INCREDIBLY appreciated, I would love to hear what everyone thinks!
Disclaimer: I don’t own these two fascinating and amazing characters, they belong to Heartless City, JTBC.
It’s been exactly forty six hours since I’ve last slept and the passage of time is a throbbing pulse against my temples; the pillow I lay propped against a soft promise of momentary comfort. I should depart, there are so many things yet left unfinished. The passing of each minute marks another grain of sand slipping through the hourglass. Each minute I stay forms a tiny fissure in my painstakingly constructed shields.
But I would readily poke myself with lit cigarette butts and bits of broken glass to prevent my eyes from closing and missing on what is quickly becoming one of my new favorite past times.
Soo Min’s sprawled out next to me, her small face tilted down and slightly tucked under, in a pile of boneless languid grace. Her shoulders and neck are slick with sweat and strands of hair are sticking rather insistently to her upturned cheek.
I’ve discovered I would watch her for hours without blinking if I could. She’s completely undone and unmade, having smashed her walls to the ground. Her guileless composure in sleep a sign of silent surrender.
Her gently parted lips are bruised almost crimson, a combination of her earlier skirmishes (at this my thoughts run red) and my not so gentle ministrations afterwards. Along her delicate jawline I can see rising bruising from where the hilt of a knife had hit her (again my thoughts ran murderous). To my utter satisfaction I could also see the reminders of my passionate affections scattered here and there, a particularly dark one right below where the dip of her neck met her jawline. A slow possessive smile curved my lips. I’d marked her other places, laid my teeth against her skin and pressed down, wholly intent on leaving more than memories as reminders of this night.
She had been well and truly claimed.
“Not that”, I thought, as I shifted slightly and felt the lingering sting of sensitivity where she’d laid nails down my back, “she didn’t intend for it to be a mutual submission.” My body bore it’s own signs of claiming in the very delicate imprint of her teeth across my chest when she had clamped her teeth down on my shoulder. It hadn’t been the same as our first time, where I had quickly figured out her untried, but passionate, state and had guided accordingly. I should have wrestled with more guilt, showed more restraint. But her openly playful manner and sweet uninhibited jesting, didn’t I scare her even a little bit?, had found the chinks in my normally impenetrable armor of self control more surely than an assassin’s dagger.
And tonight, It had been too long, with too much unspoken current coiling between us, to attempt to slow down the explosion of passion that almost overwhelmed me.
There had been no room for rational thought, about the past, present, or even the very near future. It had been only two of us, our shared breaths, our frantic hands, everything in the universe centering down to just her and me. Our shared suspended moment.
She hadn’t felt another man’s touch.I knew this to be undeniably true, even without giving such thoughts a voice. Though It was entirely selfish of me, but I felt only deep possessive satisfaction.
I ran my fingers over and through her hair, trailing careful fingers down her face. Still lulled in sleep she responds as she presses her cheek closer into my palm.
There are things that are too dark to admit to oneself. But here in the stillness of the night, in this witching hour, with Soo Min breathing lightly next to me cloaked in my scent, completely, utterly, worn out and defenseless, I can gather the courage to.
There’s a dark greed within me, a need to covet and claim. To utterly possess. The vicious ruthlessness my thoughts can turn to should frighten me, but they are as familiar now as my heartbeat. Beasts that creep along the edge of my thoughts and sink claws in. This world lays cloaked in light and shadows. Long ago I turned willingly from the day. I walk in the nights that never seem to end.
I have long made my peace with who I am, turned intentionally from the elusive thought of redemption. My greatest fear though is that she still has innocent dreamy fantasies that I’m a simple lost soul. I pushed her away before she could fully grasp the darkness around me, but now she’s willing stepped towards me, arms open and throat laid bare. To bathe in my shadows.
I am Paksa Adeul. I am Jung Shi-Hyun.
I have thrown a man from the roof without batting an eye. I have methodically cut down legions of minions, and have walked away coated in blood and gore so thick it can never be washed away. I have carved my name into the very men who thought to control me with a smile on my face. I have many, many more kills to my name than years, so many I have lost track. I have no limits when it comes to protect those I claim as mine, and I will eliminate any who step in my way.
She’s told me I can choose her and oh how I want to do nothing more than lay my hands against her skin and brand her as mine. But there are choices and there are consequences that continue to vibrate along the passage of time from those choices.
I pulled her sleeping body deeper into mine, a smoldering possessiveness settling in as I curved my own frame into hers. I laid a cheek against her hair and breathed her scent in deep. She nuzzled even closer, a slight smile traced on her face, like a kitten curled up.
I can have this night.
I walk on a road of my own making, and there are skeletons littered along it.
There are things she’ll need to know, decisions she will have to make. Paths that will have to be reshaped.
And in the stillness of this night, there are some dark truths that cannot be shaken.
Should she now flee, I will be helpless but to chase.
I know that I won’t be able to let her walk away.